I Have A Problem With Math

It’s true, I do. Not a math problem, though. I’ve already solved this particular math problem. The solution was never in doubt. I’m also not saying that I struggle with math. I get by just fine with my mathing, thank you very much.

What I’m saying is, I have a grievance with the subject of math. There is a mathematical reality that I simply do not like. I will explain my grievance at the risk of sounding very, very stupid. Upon explanation, you may think that I indeed do have a problem with math, in the way of understanding numbers and such. I don’t know, maybe I do. I will assume this risk and explain my gripe with the world of math.

This all came about when I was mixing some music I recorded in an attempt to make it sound less bad. Not sure I succeeded, but in the process of doing this, I needed to reduce the volume on a handful of tracks by two decibels. One track was set at +3.4 dB above the standard set point. Another track was set at +1.4 dB.

Ok, now hang on, think hard, and try and follow me here: for the first track, I did 3.4 – 2 = 1.4. It was now set at +1. 4 dB.

Now…. Shit’s about to get weird. For the second track, I did 1.4 – 2 = -0.4 dB.

Just kidding! I ain’t dumb. -0.6 dB, but why? Why is that the answer? I mean, I know why, because math, but why does crossing the threshold of zero have to fuck up the cleanness of simple math? I feel like number.4 minus any other whole number must equal other number.4, no matter what, positive or negative, no exceptions.

Another example. Btw, why am I giving another example? This is simple math, and it needn’t be explained again, but I feel the need to do it, just to let you, the reader, feel the wrongness of math as it is.

2.2.

2.2 + 3 = 5.2. Makes total sense.

2.2 – 3? Yeah.. that shit equals -0.8. I mean, clearly that’s the answer, again, because that’s how math works, but seriously, it just doesn’t feel right. I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.

In some alternative universe with different math rules, 2.2 – 3 = -0.2. Or -1.2, or negative something.2, I don’t really know, because I don’t live in that universe, but I wish I did. Because that universe is a more perfect math universe. And with that, I’m sure everyone is more beautiful, and the boyz are surely packing substantial dong-power in their pants, because their math is better.

I recognize this whole rant is illogical. If anyone has read this far, they’re probably questioning my sanity, and the longer I write about this, the dumber I will sound.

I’m an idiot. Bye bye.