The Booger
I’ve done everything perfectly. Literally, absolutely, everything. The boy has just been fed a well-rounded and nutritional meal of fruits, vegetables, top-shelf breast milk (thank you, wife!), and eggs. He ought to be satiated for awhile. Merely minutes ago, his poop made a jailbreak out the rear passage of his diaper, requiring a full-body wipe…
A Letter To The Jabroni Doing Yoga In The Public Sauna
Dear Bikram Acolyte, C’mon man. What is your objective here? There are 13 of us packed into this sweaty bitch, and you are making twelve-thirteenths of the group feel weird and annoyed. Let me also remind you, in case through your yogic meditative practice you have transported your consciousness to a higher plane of existence…
Aiming for Zero
Well, this post is not what I hoped it would be, and for that, I am sad. Sad. Very sad. Originally, I planned to come before you, dear reader, proud with accomplishment, but alas, I have not yet achieved my goal. However, as I’m closing in on this elusive feat, I feel it warranted to…
Kidding Myself No More
To put it charitably, our house has character (read: is an ancient shithole). This prehistoric archeological site I inhabit leaves me wanting many things, none more so than a dishwasher. No kidding, I easily spend, at minimum, 30 minutes every single day, standing in front of our too-small sink that holds approximately two bowls, because…
Resisting Maturity
Dear Me, Am I getting too old to continue being such an ass? . . . . Ferrrkkkkk no. Yours truly (but seriously, I am yours, truly, because I am you), Mr. Yolo69420.blog
Chatting With Chat GPT About The Band
The steamiest, moist-est, stankiest thing to do on the interweb right now is to talk with Open AI’s chatbot, Chat GPT. I figured I should say hi. Quick disclaimer: I have no insightful comments or opinions regarding this technology. Remember, I am a dummy. However, I will comment anyways, because that’s my right as an…
What the F#%K is the Economy, Anyhow?
Every week without fail, a new issue of The Economist shows up in my mailbox, and every week without fail, I fail to read it. Well that’s not entirely accurate or fair to myself. I certainly fail to finish it. Often, in a desperate attempt to feel like I’m getting my money’s worth, I frantically…
Taintenance
Coming at you HARDDD with another IP giveaway. This one is a big dollar idea, so put on a second pair of underpants and stay within 25 feet of a restroom, ‘cause I’m about to instigate some peristalsis in your ascending, transverse, descending, and sigmoid colon. Recently, my close friend Chris embarked on a South-to-North…
My boyyy, Joe Biden
I come to you people (what do I mean, ‘you people’???) on this auspicious Wednesday to speak to the good news that hath descendedeth from thy heavens. This is no ordinary Wednesday, my fellow Americans. Today is a triumphant day that many of us lazy and entitled patriots have been praying (keyword: praying, not actually…
Biscuits- A poem.
And she said, You get the biscuits baby? Bitch you know I bought the Flaky’s, And the French bread that they bake daily. I got the sour cream, If you know what I mean. Kidney beans low sodium, Heart healthy where I come from. Cause I got ya’ back baby, You know my biscuits Flaky.…
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Yolo 69 420 