It is an act of niceness to censor the blog title, because I don’t want to offend any innocent cybercitizen pleasantly perusing the internet with such harsh language. Believe it or not, but in this very moment, I’m trying to be nicer. Fucking nicer. That’s a phrase I need to utter to myself daily: Be fucking nicer. Because there is no reason not to be nicer- likely only good would come from such a change. And while I’m not mean, I’m probably not the world’s nicest person, therefore, there is some room for improvement.
This call to niceness pounced on me me like a horny jungle cat the other day because I came into contact with one of those freakishly nice people. I’m not sure if others relate to this, but sometimes I encounter a person so nice that it affects me. To be specific, I’m not referring to one of those annoying-nice types, one who is for whatever reason exhausting and aggravating to be around, but the other kind. There is occasionally a person so sweet, genuine, and nice that I feel like I ought to be more grateful, and be better, and be more like that person.
In the surreal aftermath of coming into contact with one of these confusingly nice humans, the urge to be mean, smug, or rude is somehow absent. I’m searching for it like my car keys-checking my pockets, checking the cabinets and drawers around my house, checking my pockets again. Like my car keys, I still can’t find the urge. I’m a (temporarily) changed man. Weird. In the influence of this short-lived perspective change, it’s obvious that I should be fucking nicer. To everyone. Just because.
Nice freaks make me feel something else too- pity. These people are so nice that I can’t help but feel bad for them. They don’t ask for it, or necessarily even want it, but they have my sympathy. Maybe it’s because I worry their niceness will be taken advantage of and abused. In truth, I fear they’ll become disillusioned and lose that spectacular niceness. Or more likely, they’ll remain as nice and wonderful as ever, but have their feelings and expectations repeatedly trampled by the rest of us meanies. Nevertheless, they’ll trudge on being nice. They’ll just be a little sad about it.
So I’m gonna do my part. I refuse to be a meanie. I will not bring these nice people down. I’ll be fucking nicer. How do I prove my sincerity here? How do I show that I’m willing to be held accountable? I looked around for God to swear to him or make some sort of vow, but he wasn’t present (he could’ve been ignoring me), so I’ll have to find a stand-in for the big man. I am eating some Cinnamon Toast Crunch as I write this..
This cereal box shall behold my testimony! With its tremendous cinnamon-y goodness as my witness, I promise I will be fucking nicer. At least until the next rude bitch comes into my life.
Yolo 69 420 